| My Boys |
[Aug. 7th, 2008|01:34 pm] |
I started by brainstorming popular culture things with boys in the title. I wasn't having much luck, and as you can see, I opted for the TV sitcom that has had some critical acclaim but I haven't even seen it. All I wanted to do was rant about how 2007-2008 would have been perfect if I didn't know any gay men. Of course, I do have several good friends who happen to be boys and happen to be gay but I don't think of them that way. I guess these are just the local ones I was trying to build up something more interesting with. Some of my failed choices were:
• Where the boys are [which, if I knew the answer to that or could stomach Connie Francis' voice I might have chosen]
• The Boys from Brazil [unlike everyone else, I don't seem to have this Brazilian fetish that everyone else in New England seems to have, and I am generally turned off by Nazi movies that don't have Harrison Ford in them, or a bunch of cute boys dancing with the Nazis (like Noah Wyle and Robert Sean Leonard in Swing Kids)]
• Boys Don't Cry [Not true, and boys are really good at making other boys cry. Though them main character doesn't actually have a penis, at least for a long time she had access to Chad Lowe's]
• The Lost Boys [Ah, the first movie my family owned and incredibly sentimental; however, it doesn't have anything to do with the boys in my life since they aren't lost, since I never found any good ones in the first place. Our first family vacation was after we had watched that moved approximately 50 times, so my mother, sister and I just bandied lines back and forth to each other all over Scandinavia. "Step on it does not mean warp speed!" Kiefer in a deliciously evil role, as he's so good at doing, long before he became the superman, Jack Bauer. "How do you like your maggots, Michael?" The two Coreys long before they got their own hotline on the Simpons or became beaten up shells of humans on reality TV. "Silly boy, never invite a vampire into your home." Oh and my favorite two-Oscar winner as the single mom; gosh, I really do love everything Diane Wiest does "But I still want you Lucy, I haven't changed my mind about that...." (in evil Edward Hermann voice) and a few more quotes to end without more ramble "Death by stereo!" "Try holy water, death-breath!"] [I am also appropriately listening to the Vampire Weekend album while I type this.]
• Riding in Cars with Boys [I'm not sure if I have any good stories about experiences driving with boys. There was the hideous month when I was trekking out to the middle of nowhere Massachusetts to hang out with the stripper twins. Then there was the car 'incident' with the closeted loser. Or the time I got pulled over with that tool in my car right after my license plates got stolen. Heck, maybe I should just chase after Drew Barrymore. No, wait! Henry Thomas. My first male crush that I didn't even realize. Replay... in my head... that wonderful scene where he kisses the girl in his biology class... wishing I were her. My first gay memory before I even knew what gay was.]
• Boyz 'n the Hood [Well, I never did so well with all those guys who liked keeping things on the DL. I really don't understand certain subcultures. Also, hoods can mean so many things. None of which seem to be useful, Red Riding Hood, Robin Hood, oh wait, hmm... I guess some guys do have hoods :)]
• Wonder Boys [Boys who like bread? Boys inspired by old men who like Catherine Zeta Jones? Which brings up something I never have understood. Why do so many guys want bread? I mean I guess as economics have changed, more poor guys have become gay, or more opportunist guys have realized that there are a lot of rich unslightly gay men with disposable cash. I wonder when the oldest profession first started having boys as purveyors not just clients.]
• Bad Boys [Hmm... maybe this is a better title after all. "My" implies ownership and clearly all the guys in my life were beyond control. I really don't want to give any props to Martin Lawrence since I've never liked a single thing he's done, and damnit now, I have the Cops theme stuck in my head.]
Ok. I spent so much time working on the title for my blog posting, I now no longer feel like I have anything to say. Let me summarize. I'm tired of flaky gay boys who are all about being shallow and playing games, and I don't mean those fun ones like Settlers or MarioKart. Maybe I'll begin a ranting series about each of the losers I interacted with in the last two years. Thankfully, I don't think the whole lot of them together could pull together enough brain cells to find this website. And if they did, they would probably be like John McCain and think that Paris Hilton was supporting him. |
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